13.07.2009- useful or nt ?

Friday 9- i can feel that he really try to change,try to do the best...but don't know why,i still keep say"no,no,no..." i have try find back the feel...but no matter i try my best,still can't find back...is my heart already belongs another 1?i really don't know how to explain the feel,feel so annoyance...this night,i go to dinner with him,and anther 2 friends,after dinner,we direct go back,i'm say i'm feel sleepy,but that is not really i told him,after i'm go back, the london man who very open mind that one call me,he keep calling me this few days,feel that he got some abnormal...because he keep asking the topic about sex...
Saturday- 5.30pm more,i'm jogging at temple"bu zhao shi " there,i'm drive my sister car go,he oso follow me go to jogging...i'm told him:"actually last time when we still together,we got many chance to do those things..." he told me:"yes,i'm already lose the chance,and lose u..."then we just keep quietly jogging...at night i go to singing with him n friends at louge 18,i had meet leng leng at there,she with her friends too...i had listen leng leng singing,so nice her sounds...Inside,he keep looking for me when i talking with other guy,so no freedom when he beside me,maybe i don't like to dating because i want freedom,want enjoy what i like and what i'm interest in...i told him: " i want single..."he told me back:" u want single,but i don't want,just let me beside u always..."2.30am more,that kittyhimme still not yet sleep,she sms me say she cant sleep...i know that what kittyhimme feeling too,because i'm also had the same feeling last time,really feel so hard,so just give more time urself,just let time open your mind,let u see clearly that worthly or not...really is need time...
Sunday 5pm-honey xueli and kittyhimme go "Nostalgia" drink tea again,we sit at there until 7.30pm,two and half hour o...wah ... so long time we at there...because,just because...hehe... kittyhimme,just me & u know wor...hehe ... after kittyhimme fetch me go back sister's home,he come to fetch me go back 4hao mafang,he say he miss my home ...he want go there for a look...i say:"maybe this time is ur last time come to my home..."he feel sad look as like want to die already,i know he very hurt,but i still keep say the same things to him...is me already excessive limit ?i must feel sorry for him mah?no...izit?because those the wrong is start by him..love is like tat de mah?no...izit?because if love 1person,no matter what he done,u also 'll 4give him ,rite?but why?why my situation so make people headache?don't want think anymore,don't want already...yes,i want earn money...i still have many friends who concerned me...i know they 'll always support & consent me de...

Monday- Today i'm really so tired and my head so pain,because i'm period...stomachached also..why become a lady so hard,if got choose,i want choose become a man...but become a lady is our proud,we are great than man,clever than man...dunno wan eat wat later o...no liking to eat,better diet lol...become a pretty lady...lolx...